Archive for the 'Scripts' Category

13
Aug
09

How I would end Monk.

I don’t watch Monk. Not ever. I’ve seen a total of maybe an entire two episodes in bits and pieces.  So you’re probably thinking “Who the hell do you think you are, comin in here all grandiose and magnificent swaggerin’ about like you know who Adrian Monk is. I’ve been watching him since he was on Wings!” Well let me tell you something my friend, I know enough to write gripping television. I’ve learned from the commercials and the small amount I’ve seen to come up with an episode even I could enjoy. I like to call it: “Mr. Monk and the heart of darkness.”

So from what I’ve gathered, Monk for these 7 seasons has been a obsessive compulsive detective with an “assistant” who plays the straightface to his oddball antics that often lead to humor and clever solving of mysteries. I’ve also learned that Monk had a wife and she was murdered by someone whom Monk’s never been able to catch…his only failure. Apparently her name was Trudy and she died in a carbomb…a friggin carbomb? Okay…

monk

INT. MONK’S HOUSE

ADRIAN MONK is sitting straight up in a suit watching a home video. It’s very late at night. We can only see his face from the perspective of the television. The television is watching him. The colors change but his eyes never blink. We can hear the faint sound of a woman laughing.

Monk:

Trudy…

The screen goes black. We come back to MONK standing his back to us now, a brazen siloutte against the white fuzzy snow of his television. Monk takes a deep breath, then two deliberate steps. He pauses turns towards the couch and wipes the wrinkles out of the seat cushion. He continues into the kitchen.

INSERT: A closeup of Monks feet as they touch the porcelain kitchen floor.

Monk takes a glass from his cabinet and begins to pour some water. His hand shakes violently. The glass slips from his grasp. It crashes into the ground. Elgar’s “The Enigma Variations” beings to play. Monk looks down at the broken glass and whispers

Monk

Trudy……..

Monk violently slams his fist into the counter, turns abruptly and throws a stool into the glass cupboard. It shatters and the stool breaks. He kicks over another stool but loses his balance and collapses wheezing on the glass covered floor.

Fade scene.

INT. MONK’S HOUSE

NATALIE TEEGER lets herself in when no one answers the door. The camera follows her through the house until she arrives in the kitchen to find Monk on the floor covered in minor cuts.

Natalie

Oh Mr. Monk.

Monk opens his eyes.

Monk

I have to clean this up

Natalie

No Mr. Monk, please you must see your doctor.

Monk

My doctor is dead Natalie.

Monk stands up and goes to the closet to grab a broom. He’s sweeping as Natalie talks.

Natalie

Mr. Monk you can’t do this to yourself, you can’t do this to me! We’ve come too far for you to lose it like this we’re so close, we’ll find the guys who did it and we’ll bring them to justice.

Monk raises his eye to look at her but she can’t maintain eye contact

Natalie

Besides you have friends who care about you, we all care about you. This isn’t worth it.

Monk continues sweeping. without looking up he asks

Monk

What did they find?

Natalie

I’m not supposed to tell you.

Monk drops the broom and grabs Natalie by the shoulder. His hand digging into her shoulder like the claw of a bulldozer.

Monk

What did they find?

Natalie

A name…they finally found a name…but I can’t, I won’t tell you…not when you’re like this. Please you need help.

Monk

Yes…Yes you’re right, I need help cleaning up this mess.

FADE SCENE

Alright so now that you understand the mood I’d set for this we’d eventually lead up to the final confrontation between Monk and his wife murdering nemesis. The nemesis in this case shall be named Senator Meanface.

EXT ABANDONED AMUSEMENT PARK (NIGHT)

Monk is holding a police issued pistol at arms length aimed at an elderly woman. Her back is to a ferris wheel and he’s standing 10 feet away, eyes unblinking.

Senator Meanface

You…you think you’re going to shoot me? Don’t make me laugh.

Monk

Why? (long pause) Why? WHY?

Senator Meanface

Are you really so dense? Did you think you’d never made enemies in all your years as a policeman?

Monk

Who are you?

Senator Meanface

My sister. You wouldn’t remember her she was just a no name drug dealer you caught in your vice days. What you didn’t realize was during her time in prison she was brutally murdered for some superficial reason.  A reason I never learned. I thought I would return the favor, I thought I would make you hurt like I hurt.

Monk

You have no idea how I hurt

Monk fires the gun, clipping her in the shoulder.

SM (wincing)

I didn’t think you had it in you.

Monk

You don’t know me at all.

Monk starts the ferris wheel. The previously unseen rope around SM’s neck is revealed. It tightens around her neck.

Senator Meanface

I suppose you…think I deserve this?

Monk

I’ve been taught, in these past few years….We all get what we deserve.

SM’s feet slide across the ground shes pulled towards the ferris wheel. it lifts her slowly off the dirt.

SM

Fitting words…You…caused all of this…this was all your…All…your

SM begins wheezing as she’s hanged from the back of the ferris wheel. Monk picks up the shell from his pistol and places it within his front pocket. He lays the gun next to the wheel, carefully not to cover it in dust and turns his back on her swinging body. The lights of the ferris wheel glow around him as he walks away.

FADE SCENE

“Adagop for Strings” by Samuel Barber begins to play. A caption appears to inform the audience that the Senator’s murder was never solved. Monk was never seen again in the town of San Francisco. The words “It’s a gift… and a curse.” appear on the screen. After the credits we see Monk eating a sloppy joe. The camera zooms in on his messy face, and then pans outward to show him sitting at a picnic table. He eyes the napkin next to him…picks it up…then rips it in half with a smile on his slop covered face.

Ferris.wheel.arp.750pix

There we have it a fitting end to Monk. Not only does he escape his ocd tendancies but he even uses them to get away with murder, the very thing he’s been solving the entirety of the series. The show began with one and now 7 seasons later it ends with one, running full circle…just like the ferris wheel.

Breedo came along with his shaky knees and he came with fire.

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29
Jul
09

Real American Heroes.

gi_joe_movie_cast

Whilst talking to my good friend and contemporary Matthew I realized that the GI Joe movie-film was due out in a mere two weeks. Two weeks until my childhood barrels into theaters guns blazing but never hitting a target. GI Joes was never my favorite cartoon, heck I don’t think it’s even in my top 10, but the show did endear to my heart after frequent adolescent viewings.  The premise in case you’re a robot with no childhood is the tried and true…army dudes fighting evil. You got your leader(Duke), the babe(Scarlet), the cool guy(Heavy Duty), and the god damn ninja (Snake Eyes). They fought terrorists before fighting terrorists was cool. Terrorists so badass they named themselves after a friggin snake, the Cobra, and dropped bombs on civilized society like it was eatin Sunday brunch with the folks.

It’s odd but I find myself remembering the villains better than the heroes, which may be why the trailers for this new movie are focusing on Destro and Cobra Commander as well as the hot chick with glasses who’s name I don’t even remember more than the Joes. This has got some people in a tizzy however(hahaaa tizzy) I read a blog earlier by a guy whos angry that “Hollywood” isn’t showing the GI Joes as patriotic enough. Don’t get me wrong…I love ‘Merica as much as the next communist killin’, apple pie eatin’ , railroad buildin’, oil tycoon can…but how American were the GI Joes anyway? I mean I don’t particularly remember an episode where they burst into a room and start reading the Emancipation Proclamation…although I do vaguely remember one where Shipwreck had to impale a nazi on an American flag.

Speaking of Shipwreck, he’s the only member of the GI Joes I have a discernable attitude towards. For the most part you can lump them all into one category, patriots…for instance Snake Eyes is a patriot ninja, but Shipwreck was…different. He and his parrot were often the comedic relief which was gladly accepted in the war torn horizons depicted in 1980’s cartoons, but he was also the main character in one of the most horrifying episodes of anything I’ve ever seen…an episode known simply as “There’s No Place Like Springfield.

It can only get worse.

It can only get worse.

I didn’t see this episode as a child, I saw it for the first time in high school. I fear if I had seen it sooner it would have broken my fragile young mind. Basically, Shipwreck gets knocked out while fighting Cobra and when he wakes up hes in a hospital with his family around him but he has amnesia, he can’t remember he’s a Joe. He tries to remember his “new” family and his “wonderful” life but he can’t seem to get a grasp on it but at least he’s happy? So he gets to go home with his wife and daughter and  has horrifying nightmares while with them and at some point i think even blacks out  into a coma. The parrot appears at times and just mouths off omninous random things as opposed to its usual hilarious banter. It was basically his spirit beast leading him on a journey through the depths of his inner psyche and the tortured reality that Shipwreck could never be the same again.

Well anyway he decides to try and remember what his job is. He goes to “work” and its like a construction job or something and all the Joes are there, but have mundane normal jobs. This breaks the amnesia and he remembers them for who they are, and while trying to convince them he grabs one of them…and they melt. It’s not really just the melting that does it…they literally waste away in his hands with no explanation. I think his wife and daughter even show up and melt as well, but basically in the scope 3 minutes every person he trusts…everyone he loves…dissipates into a horrible glob of slime…and it’s sentient. It ATTACKS him. So we’re left with Shipwreck screaming “NOOOOOOOOOOO” as he’s enveloped by a gelatenous monster that used to be his loved ones…And the worst part is, for some reason…there was no “To be continued”.

It actually appeared that this was how they were ending the series so you can bet I was there the next night it came on and lo and behold everything was explained as an elaborate Cobra plot, but thats not what’s important. What’s important is they could show this amazing journey of Shipwrecks lost soul in a children’s cartoon. Much like his namesake, his spirit was wrecked upon the shores of life and only friendship and yelling “Go Joe!” could fix that. This episode gave me  newfound respect for the GI Joes…but futhermore a justifiable terror of Cobra, as they did something so magnficently evil I’m afraid the film won’t live up to my expectations of them.

scarlet

joe1

Can a GI Joe live action movie even work? As I mentioned earlier theres a few internetmen (sort of like mitiamen except don’t sleep in other peoples houses) who believe that it can’t and that Hollywood has ruined the spirit of GI Joe but I’m not sure I agree. Sure, they took the red and blue out of the logo and got rid of the army camo but as far as we know those are the only changes and they’re pretty minor. As for being patriotic enough I don’t particularly remember anytime when I watched the cartoon that I thought, “Yeah thats how ‘Merica does it!”, the show was more for any kid regardless of nationality. I mean it seems like GI Joe prided itself on including every race and creed to their ranks, showing marginal acceptance of other nations. Why should a live action movie be any different? What exactly would the script even look like for an American GI Joe movie anyway?

Int. Cobra Hideout

The JOES are huddled in a corner behind some crates, watching COBRA COMMANDER kick puppies. The camera pans slowly over DUKE’s topless chest. You can tell his brow is furrowed by the clenching of his pecks. The camera zooms past diagonally, briefly pausing on his dogtags, glistening brightly even in the shadows of the dimly lit Cobra cave…the dogtags a beacon of hope in the darkest of times.

INSERT: A closeup of DUKE’s mouth, his rugged jawbone clenched securely as he whispers:

Duke:

Go Joe.

Other Joes (screaming):

GO JOES

SLOW MOTION PAN: The JOES erupt from their corner, all but they are black and white, each JOE is silhoutted in dark blue, their shadows a bright white. As they massacre the COBRA troops the blood hits their weapons, the ground and the walls painting an American flag in the process. Duke puts a desert eagle to Cobra Commanders forehead who is holding a puppy by its collar in one hand and a knife in the other.

Cobra Commander:

You don’t have the stones, boy.

Duke:

Drop the puppy.

Cobra Commander:

Gladly.

COBRA COMMANDER drops the puppy and lunges towards DUKE with the knife. Duke blasts a hole in COMMANDER’s face whirls around and grabs the puppy before it hits the ground. ZOOM iN on the puppy’s eye as it looks up at DUKE, a tear can be seen falling down its cheek.

Puppy:

<Heartfelt Bark>

Fade scene.

EXT Baseball Field

The JOES are playing baseball with the puppies and eating hot dogs and apple pie. Kelly Clarkson can be heard on the radio. HAWK approaches DUKE.

Hawk;

Good work out there.

Duke:

All in a day’s work, sir.

Hawk (laughing):

Yes…I suppose it is. I suppose it is.

Fade out to DUKE reading the Declaration of Independance as an eagle soars by behind the credits.

I think I could write an entire movie like this…I’m just not sure if I could get Dennis Quaid to star in it, I’d probably have to settle for Randy. I’ll leave you with a picture I found of Heavy Duty from the movie that I can really find nothing wrong with.

Did he really have to shoot up the wall behind him?

Did he really have to shoot up the wall behind him?

Breedo listened to Jay Z’s single DOA the entire time he wrote this post…nothing more American than that.