Archive for the 'Movies' Category

07
Aug
09

Tekken Movie?

T is for Tekken

T is for Tekken

I noticed this today and I’m not sure how I haven’t heard of it yet but theres a listing for a Tekken film on IMDB, looking around on the ol internets I found a movie poster for it…or at least I assume it’s for it. I’m not the biggest fan of Tekken ever mind you, I enjoy the games and had a lot of fun with ’em especially in my younger years but what stands out to me is the casting for this movie. Take a look:

Ron Perlman Paul Phoenix
Jackie Chan Lei Wulong

What? Ron Perlman AND Jackie Chan?!?! In a video game movie? Either this script is incredible or theres an unscrupulous amount of money being thrown at this thing. Most of the other actors are lesser named Kungfu movie stars and what have you but to get Jackie frickin’ Chan for a movie about a video game is pretty fantastic. I now have this on my list of things to follow. There’s no trailer yet but I can only expect good things. Speaking of trailers theres one that caught my eye recently for a movie thats not due out til next year. It’s called the Book of Eli and it stars Denzel Washington as himself.

I’m not sure what exactly he’s supposed to be carrying that could “save the human race” or why he has to carry it cross country but hey mystery is part of a good trailer. I’m mainly intrigued by how much the movie reminds me of Fallout 3 which I played a bit of and enjoyed immensely. It could be that the experience with Fallout was so good that any future post apocalyptic media will remind me of it or it could actually be that they did “take” some ideas from Bethesda. I’m more towards the former, as it does share some similar backdrops and story elements but really so did Mad Max and that predated Fallout by a decade.

The other part that caught my eye is how nonchalant Denzel Washington can be in this role. Then I got to thinking about most of his roles and how I easily believe who he is regardless of what the scene entails. Evil cop? Alright. Angry bodyguard? Sure. Civil war general? Why the hell not? It’s like Mr. Washington can fill in any role you need. The next time I write a script and can’t figure out who to play the ghost of an architect who haunts the peoples houses he built, I’ll think of Denzel…because he could do it…easily.

GI Joe came out today and I will not be seeing it for at least a few days but feel free to blow my mind with quotes from it because I know that if you read this blog you were there at opening show and have already seen the movie at least twice. So lay it out for me. Did Dennis Quaid fill the 16 inch boots of Hawk like a true American? Or did he fizzle under the weight of such a tremendous role…I must know!

Breedo is knocking over fences, crossing property lines.

29
Jul
09

Real American Heroes.

gi_joe_movie_cast

Whilst talking to my good friend and contemporary Matthew I realized that the GI Joe movie-film was due out in a mere two weeks. Two weeks until my childhood barrels into theaters guns blazing but never hitting a target. GI Joes was never my favorite cartoon, heck I don’t think it’s even in my top 10, but the show did endear to my heart after frequent adolescent viewings.  The premise in case you’re a robot with no childhood is the tried and true…army dudes fighting evil. You got your leader(Duke), the babe(Scarlet), the cool guy(Heavy Duty), and the god damn ninja (Snake Eyes). They fought terrorists before fighting terrorists was cool. Terrorists so badass they named themselves after a friggin snake, the Cobra, and dropped bombs on civilized society like it was eatin Sunday brunch with the folks.

It’s odd but I find myself remembering the villains better than the heroes, which may be why the trailers for this new movie are focusing on Destro and Cobra Commander as well as the hot chick with glasses who’s name I don’t even remember more than the Joes. This has got some people in a tizzy however(hahaaa tizzy) I read a blog earlier by a guy whos angry that “Hollywood” isn’t showing the GI Joes as patriotic enough. Don’t get me wrong…I love ‘Merica as much as the next communist killin’, apple pie eatin’ , railroad buildin’, oil tycoon can…but how American were the GI Joes anyway? I mean I don’t particularly remember an episode where they burst into a room and start reading the Emancipation Proclamation…although I do vaguely remember one where Shipwreck had to impale a nazi on an American flag.

Speaking of Shipwreck, he’s the only member of the GI Joes I have a discernable attitude towards. For the most part you can lump them all into one category, patriots…for instance Snake Eyes is a patriot ninja, but Shipwreck was…different. He and his parrot were often the comedic relief which was gladly accepted in the war torn horizons depicted in 1980’s cartoons, but he was also the main character in one of the most horrifying episodes of anything I’ve ever seen…an episode known simply as “There’s No Place Like Springfield.

It can only get worse.

It can only get worse.

I didn’t see this episode as a child, I saw it for the first time in high school. I fear if I had seen it sooner it would have broken my fragile young mind. Basically, Shipwreck gets knocked out while fighting Cobra and when he wakes up hes in a hospital with his family around him but he has amnesia, he can’t remember he’s a Joe. He tries to remember his “new” family and his “wonderful” life but he can’t seem to get a grasp on it but at least he’s happy? So he gets to go home with his wife and daughter and  has horrifying nightmares while with them and at some point i think even blacks out  into a coma. The parrot appears at times and just mouths off omninous random things as opposed to its usual hilarious banter. It was basically his spirit beast leading him on a journey through the depths of his inner psyche and the tortured reality that Shipwreck could never be the same again.

Well anyway he decides to try and remember what his job is. He goes to “work” and its like a construction job or something and all the Joes are there, but have mundane normal jobs. This breaks the amnesia and he remembers them for who they are, and while trying to convince them he grabs one of them…and they melt. It’s not really just the melting that does it…they literally waste away in his hands with no explanation. I think his wife and daughter even show up and melt as well, but basically in the scope 3 minutes every person he trusts…everyone he loves…dissipates into a horrible glob of slime…and it’s sentient. It ATTACKS him. So we’re left with Shipwreck screaming “NOOOOOOOOOOO” as he’s enveloped by a gelatenous monster that used to be his loved ones…And the worst part is, for some reason…there was no “To be continued”.

It actually appeared that this was how they were ending the series so you can bet I was there the next night it came on and lo and behold everything was explained as an elaborate Cobra plot, but thats not what’s important. What’s important is they could show this amazing journey of Shipwrecks lost soul in a children’s cartoon. Much like his namesake, his spirit was wrecked upon the shores of life and only friendship and yelling “Go Joe!” could fix that. This episode gave me  newfound respect for the GI Joes…but futhermore a justifiable terror of Cobra, as they did something so magnficently evil I’m afraid the film won’t live up to my expectations of them.

scarlet

joe1

Can a GI Joe live action movie even work? As I mentioned earlier theres a few internetmen (sort of like mitiamen except don’t sleep in other peoples houses) who believe that it can’t and that Hollywood has ruined the spirit of GI Joe but I’m not sure I agree. Sure, they took the red and blue out of the logo and got rid of the army camo but as far as we know those are the only changes and they’re pretty minor. As for being patriotic enough I don’t particularly remember anytime when I watched the cartoon that I thought, “Yeah thats how ‘Merica does it!”, the show was more for any kid regardless of nationality. I mean it seems like GI Joe prided itself on including every race and creed to their ranks, showing marginal acceptance of other nations. Why should a live action movie be any different? What exactly would the script even look like for an American GI Joe movie anyway?

Int. Cobra Hideout

The JOES are huddled in a corner behind some crates, watching COBRA COMMANDER kick puppies. The camera pans slowly over DUKE’s topless chest. You can tell his brow is furrowed by the clenching of his pecks. The camera zooms past diagonally, briefly pausing on his dogtags, glistening brightly even in the shadows of the dimly lit Cobra cave…the dogtags a beacon of hope in the darkest of times.

INSERT: A closeup of DUKE’s mouth, his rugged jawbone clenched securely as he whispers:

Duke:

Go Joe.

Other Joes (screaming):

GO JOES

SLOW MOTION PAN: The JOES erupt from their corner, all but they are black and white, each JOE is silhoutted in dark blue, their shadows a bright white. As they massacre the COBRA troops the blood hits their weapons, the ground and the walls painting an American flag in the process. Duke puts a desert eagle to Cobra Commanders forehead who is holding a puppy by its collar in one hand and a knife in the other.

Cobra Commander:

You don’t have the stones, boy.

Duke:

Drop the puppy.

Cobra Commander:

Gladly.

COBRA COMMANDER drops the puppy and lunges towards DUKE with the knife. Duke blasts a hole in COMMANDER’s face whirls around and grabs the puppy before it hits the ground. ZOOM iN on the puppy’s eye as it looks up at DUKE, a tear can be seen falling down its cheek.

Puppy:

<Heartfelt Bark>

Fade scene.

EXT Baseball Field

The JOES are playing baseball with the puppies and eating hot dogs and apple pie. Kelly Clarkson can be heard on the radio. HAWK approaches DUKE.

Hawk;

Good work out there.

Duke:

All in a day’s work, sir.

Hawk (laughing):

Yes…I suppose it is. I suppose it is.

Fade out to DUKE reading the Declaration of Independance as an eagle soars by behind the credits.

I think I could write an entire movie like this…I’m just not sure if I could get Dennis Quaid to star in it, I’d probably have to settle for Randy. I’ll leave you with a picture I found of Heavy Duty from the movie that I can really find nothing wrong with.

Did he really have to shoot up the wall behind him?

Did he really have to shoot up the wall behind him?

Breedo listened to Jay Z’s single DOA the entire time he wrote this post…nothing more American than that.

02
Jul
09

Casting Metal Gear Solid: The Movie Film.

Alright since the Batman casting call is still my most popular article, not that anything is that popular on here but I decided I’d try another one. I’m gonna run down who I think should play the characters in a Metal Gear Solid film. I’m going to stick to just MGS1 for now mainly because theres just so many characters it’d take a while to cast em all plus I can do the rest in later posts anyway. There may be a few spoilers in this for MGS1 so you’ve been warned. Alright so lets start with the first and most important…Solid Snake

Solid Snake

It's easy to forget what a sin is in the middle of a battlefield.

It's easy to forget what a sin is in the middle of a battlefield.

Snake is the most pivotal character in the whole game, you have to have someone with chops but also someone who can pull off his grandiose badassery without being unbelievable. You need someone down to earth and someone the audience can relate to who’s stuck in a situation he doesn’t understand anymore than them. It’s a very tough list of requirements and nearly impossible to nail them all.

Who should play him: Gerard Butler

gerardbutler

Yes this is probably an odd choice but I really think he could pull it off the best. His work in 300 while obviously over the top was still great to watch and exuded the ruggedness a Solid Snake would need on the big screen. Lots of people have been throwing Christian Bales name around for the part and while he’s a good actor and gets into his roles I just don’t want to see him at the head of MGS, it doesn’t fit for me. Gerard has shown he can be very serious, even overly so, but also I believe he has the wit to pull of a believable Snake, more so than anyone else.

Runner-Ups: Christian Bale, Keifer Sutherland, David Hayter (if he seriously buffed up)

Liquid Snake

Ask the father that you killed. I'll send you to hell to meet him.

Ask the father that you killed. I'll send you to hell to meet him.

Ah Liquid Snake the good old fashioned twin brother rival who hates the hero’s guts. While technically they are twins and really should probably be played by the same person I think Liquid looks different enough that another actor could play him and still pass off as his cloned brother, I mean Liquid seems to take ample steps to prove hes better than Snake there’s nothing saying he wouldn’t modify his appearance a little bit. Plus in a realistic standpoint making one actor play both the main character and the main villain doesn’t usually work…unless it’s Eddie Murphy of course.

Who should play him: Sean Bean

Sean-Bean

Sean Bean easily has the acting ability to play a convincing Liquid as well as the physique to look the part. He’s most well known for his role in Lord of the Rings but he’s a great actor in almost everything he’s in. Bean is easily my favorite choice for Liquid but there are a few other good ones.

Runner-Ups: Aaron Eckhart, Viggo Mortenson

Roy Campbell

You will accept this assignment.

You will accept this assignment.

Roy comes off most of the game as a friend but at times can be very stern and demanding.  In a film he probably wouldn’t have much screen time and more than likely just be a voice in Snakes head warning him of dangers and the like. I think he needs a relatively recognizable voice but really any elderly actor with some pinache could pull him off. Most fans won’t care if he doesn’t look much like his game counterpart.

Who should play him: Gene Hackman

gene-hackman

Hackman basically already played this exact role in Behind Enemy Lines and worked perfectly at it. He’s got that demanding voice but can also come off as a friend to sympathize with. He easily has the chops, the only thing might be he’s already done something like it and it’s not really a main character so he might think its beneath him or something.

Runner-Ups: Morgan Freeman, Ed Harris, Clint Eastwood

Hal “Otacon” Emmerich

 Life isn't all about loss, ya know.

Life isn't all about loss, ya know.

Otacon is basically Snake’s sidekick and as such will have a ton of screen time and if you follow the first game directly even a love interest. He’s also a geeky coward who is a complete opposite of Snake, but thats why theres such chemistry. He needs to be played by someone who can look smart but at the same time vulnerable.

Who should play him: Cillian Murphy

cillian-murphy2

Cillian Murphy plays a character like Otacon in a lot of his movies just not exactly. He’s played vulnerable killers and a terrified guy running from zombones. He’s pretty much the perfect fit for this role as he can easily bring the panic and cowardice but also come off as exceptionally smart and calculating. He even looks the part which is a major plus as well.

Runner-Ups: James Franco, Daniel Radcliffe

Meryl Silverburgh

...You're a sad, lonely man.

...You're a sad, lonely man.

Meryl Silverburgh is the rookie trapped in the middle of Shadow Moses when MGS starts. She acts as tough as Snake and early in the game she even surprises him a few times but she actually has little to no combat experience. She’s basically the girl playing soldier who doesn’t really know whats shes getting herself into. Meryl is very smart though, and needs to be played by an experienced actress.

Who should play her: Keira Knightley

keira_knightley1_300_400

Keira basically played a Meryl-lite in her movie Domino where she played a female bounty hunter. All she has to do is be an inexperienced version of that but act tough which is easily within Keira’s range as she is a multiple academy award nominee. In the game Meryl has some of the most groan worthy lines but shes also got some of the best comic relief so it’s going to take someone with an actual ability to act, as opposed to simply being ‘eye candy’.

Runner-Ups: Felecia Day, Emily Deschanel, Maggie Gyllenhall

Revolver Ocelot

Can't you even die right?

Can't you even die right?

Revolver Ocelot is easily one of my favorite characters, hes got major gumption and a glorious angry old man attitude. He also wields a single 6 shot pistol, which his name describes and loves it with a passion. He’s the first boss in the game and lasts through the entire series, showing up in many unexpected places, proving just how important a character he is. He may sound too hard to portray by those terms but I know just the actor.

Who should play him: Daniel Day Lewis

daniel_day_lewis

In my opinion theres no one more perfect for this role. He exudes the tension and drama that Ocelot is associated with. He’s also got the perfect mannerisms and style of speech in a lot of his films to where its not even a stretch for him to fit in the role. The only problem would be it’s probably not a character he’d be interested in but I can dream can’t I?

Runner-Ups: Gary Oldman, Sam Elliott, Sean Connery

Sniper Wolf

 I watched the stupidity of mankind through the scope of my rifle.

I watched the stupidity of mankind through the scope of my rifle.

A female sniper who works in solitude, Sniper Wolf is one of the deepest characters in the game. She doesn’t have much screen time but what she does have she steals the show even from Snake so you need someone with star appeal and great looks as well as the ability to make everyone else on screen nervous.  Wolf also has a tendancy to have a huge emotional range in her characters feelings, probably a side effect of the drug she’s addicted to. She needs an actress who can portray all of this in a relatively short time.

Who should play her: Scarlett Johansson

scarlet-johanson

It’s asking a lot of Scarlett Johansson to step into the shoes of Sniper Wolf but I think she’d do very well. She’s show the ability to act in a range of different roles the exact thing needed for someone with Wolf’s emotional spectrum. She’s also gorgeous which is another mark off the ol’ list.

Runner-Ups:Elisha Dushku, Megan Fox

Psycho Mantis

I am the top practitioner of Psychokinesis and Telepathy in the WORLD!

I am the top practitioner of psychokinesis and telepathy in the WORLD!

When first I fought Psycho Mantis he literally freaked me out so bad I stopped playing for the night. Hideo used a range of tricks for his battle that involved him reading your mind, and to someone who hadn’t seen anything like that before it was a huge surprise. He’s a pretty straightforward character though and doesn’t last long after he’s introduced, I still regard him as one of the best bosses ever though.

Who should play him: Alan Cumming

alan

Basically all you need for Psycho Mantis is someone with a voice that sounds cool through a gas mask and a creep aura about them Alan Cumming should fit both of these pretty well…I’ve never heard him whisper through a gas mask but I can imagine. He should have no trouble handling Mantis but if he wasn’t up for it theres a few other good choices.

Runner-Up: David Hyde Pierce, Doug Jones

Vulcan Raven

Snakes don't belong in Alaska

Snakes don't belong in Alaska

Alright Vulcan Raven! The first real badass moment you have in the game is when Snake fights VR while Raven’s in a tank. Its a glorious scene that shows just how determined Snake is, meanwhile the whole time VR is asking him deep philosophical questions or just insulting him. So really his actor needs to be someone who is known for their strength, I mean he carries a gatling gun around, and can go from completely unstable to questioning existence in a split second.

Who should play him: Dwayne Johnson

DwayneJohnson

Some may disagree with me but I think the Rock is a good actor and I can’t think of anyone more perfect for Vulcan Raven. He can easily handle all the big mans dialogue as well as come off as a bigger than life character, I mean he did it for years in the WWF. He’s my first choice for Vulcan Raven but there are a few others I could see working.

Runner-Up: Mickey Rourke, Djimon Hounsou


Gray Fox

I am like you. I have no name.

I am like you. I have no name.

Gray Fox is an interesting character because he’s basically a renegade in the whole affair. He only wants to get involved so Snake can finally end him in an epic duel but he’s also not willing to let anyone finish the job. He grows as a character during the small amount of time hes on the screen and has some of the most ridiculous scenes in the game. He’s also for the most part only ever a voice through a mask so really you just need a strong voice actor and I have just the one.

Who should play him: Liam Neeson

liam_neeson

He may seem old for the part but for the most part hes just going to be the voice of the character who will probably be played by a guy in the suit most of the time anyway. Liam does have some action under his belt though so he should be fine for a role like this. The character of Gray Fox’s age is disputable anyway and considering the way Snake ages theres no telling how old he actually is anyway.


Dr Naomi Hunter

Live Snake... that's all I can tell you.

Live Snake... that's all I can tell you.

Naomi Hunter is a major character later in the series. In MGS1 she’s just a contact for Snake much like the Colonel who shares information about his targets. Later in the game shes a part of a major plot point so I figured she needed to be cast, plus in MGS4 she’s a huge character. She’s very sensitive and seems sad all the time but is also a genius so it’s gonna be tough for her actress.

Who should play her: Monica Bellucci

monica

Not only does Monica Bellucci look exactly like Naomi but she’s got the acting ability to pull her off. Monica should have no trouble fitting into the sad doctors role again just like Tears of the Sun, while also staying interesting and smart.


Whew that was a lot of choices. There are still quite a few lesser characters left but they have such short appearences in the original game besides dialogue that I’m not going to bother finding a picture for them. I will still cast them though:

Master Miller: Sean Bean with his hair tied up…What…thats how it is in the game =x

Mei Ling: I don’t know that Snake will need to save during the movie but if he does and calls her I think she’d be great played by Ziyi Zhang from House of Flying Daggers.

Natasha Romanenko: Really I can’t think of any famous russian female actress who would fit this part. It’d probably be best to cast a no-name for this one anyway.

Super Bonus Cast: Big Boss

big boss salute

There’s only one man who can play a hero of such magnitude…of such caliber.

Who should play him: Kurt Russell

Russell

There you have it, my casting choices for MGS1. I’m sure I’ll do the rest when I get around to it as these are quite fun to think about. If you would like to add your own I welcome it. Until next time~

04
May
09

Wolverine Orgins: I’m too drunk to taste this mutant.

wolverine

So, I saw the new Wolverine: Orgins last evening completely trashed,  if I had to put a tier with it I was at least Patrick Stewart drunk, probably subconciously for Professor X, but I don’t remember a whole lot of the movie except that it was awesome.  I’m a pretty big X-Men fan and as such I completely hated X3: Rush Hour Edition.  The only saving grace of that entire movie was Kelsey Grammar as Beast so I was hoping for this Wolverine movie to blow it out of the water.  From what I remember it did just that, although I am hesistant to watch it again completely sober in fear that it may have actually been terrible and the booze just made it great, so just in case let’s go through and see what I can recall that made me enjoy this movie so much more than that other trash. Hopefully it will quell my doubts, oh also there might be some small spoilers in here if you haven’t seen it yet, I’m not gonna give away the whole plot or anything but if you want it to be all surprises you should probably stop now.

1) Gambit 

gambit

Yes I know it may seem odd that my favorite part of the Wolverine movie is Gambit but he’s been my favorite X-man since the animated series. From what I remember in my drunken haze they did him justice in the film but his actual screentime was relatively brief.  I also think Wolverine beat him straight up which is a raging fight between fans as to who would win, but I can let that slide too I mean it is Logan’s movie.  Mainly as long as they had him throw cards speak with a cajun accent and wear a bitchin’ coat I was gonna be happy, and all that came to pass. It wasn’t like the Juggernaut from X3 who just randomly shows up and starts quotin’ internet memes with no mention of his actual orgin or the fact that he’s not even a mutant or that hes XAVIER’S STEP BROTHER but I digress.  The only thing I’m not sure of is Gambit’s age relative to the old X-Men movies.  The movie puts him a few years older than Cyclops so if he were introduced in X4 or something he’d have to be a little bit older than the other X-Men which is kind of odd but really nothing I can’t look past.

 

2) Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool    

ryan-reynolds-deadpool

Yes yes it’s another character besides Wolverine but Deadpool was such a monumental character in my childhood I had to include him too.  When I first started getting comics I picked up a copy of Deadpool because it was like issue number 2 and I figured I’d try it out because it was new. Joe Kelly’s run with the character and the complete change of the ordinary for him was so different and hilarious that I still read Deadpool books to this day.  So this is where Ryan Reynolds comes in, after Blade Trinity (Kill you? Mother fucker I’ll kill you.) most people realized that Ryan must play Wade.  I mean he basically already played him in that Blade flick just toss some red on him and give him some katanas and he’s perfect. So when it was finally announced people were ecstatic, and by people I mean me.  It’s the perfect match and Reynolds seems to really get the character which is great…The only problem is what happened to him in the movie itself.  

When Wade is introduced he’s literally perfect, cracking jokes, never stopping his mouth, pissing everyone off, its great, but let’s just say they took some very liberal changes to Wade’s orgin and basically screwed him up completely near the end of the film. It fit the story and if you didn’t know that was supposed to be Deadpool it’d probably be all well and good but because he IS supposed to be Deadpool it scared a lot of people. Reynolds has come out and said he wants to make a traditional comic Deadpool movie though so this could still be great, in fact as long as he has his way with it I’m sure it will be.

Speaking of messing around with characters they had Agent Zero in there who is a complete unknown if you don’t read comics, I however was a huge fan of the book Maverick.  It only had like a 20 issue run or something before it was cancelled but it was basically about Agent Zero and his escape from Weapon X and how he dealt with his past. He became Maverick working to stop Weapon X and attone for what he’d done, it had some really good story telling.  They can’t go that way in the films however because Agent Zero is a completely different guy, who from what I remember is just a straight homicidal monster akin to Sabertooth, which is odd because in the comics it’s Zero who always stopped Victor’s violent outbursts, not Wolverine.

 

3) Optic Blasts

BEHOLD! OPTIC BLAST!

BEHOLD! OPTIC BLAST!

If you’re a fan of Cyclops you automatically hated X3, it was a travesty. That movie basically made him the biggest pansy of any super hero movie ever.  People don’t blame the director or the story itself they blame James Marsden for wanting to leave with Singer to work on Superman Returns.  Really when compared to what he had left to work with in X3 I can’t blame him though.  Anyway young Cyclops has a pretty large appearance in Wolverine: Orgins.

I don’t remember at all what exactly was involved but I’m pretty sure Weapon X wanted him for their program and he was in school doin detention because some teacher was angry at him for not taking his glasses off in the classroom.  Now you would think, if there was a chance when you glance that you might blast the masses there’d be a doctor’s note or something you could get that says something to the effect of “Dear Madam Teacher Lady, Please allow Scott Summers to keep his ruby quartz glasses on, for without them he has enough solar powered uncontrollable energy blasts to blow this school down.  Your friend, The Doc” It’d be that simple but instead she yells at him and he gets detention? Alright I guess…so then I remember Sabertooth shows up and chases him and knocks his glasses off and he blows the school in half, I guess it didn’t come across young Scott’s untrained mind to shoot the guy chasing him instead. I mean only in this situation could Sabertooth ever give Scott some trouble, if they met now in the comics Scott would probably just blow his head off.

Anyways Scott’s not the only one with optic blasts. I guess the writers knew the audience loved them so much they just tossed them around like door prizes at the mutant carnival.  I expected Wolverine to just bust some out at one point but there’s a line they’re just not willing to cross, and I’ve found it. That’s okay though, if you’re a fan of the laser eyes and really who isn’t, Wolverine Orgins will not disappoint.

 

4) Alright fine… Wolverine   

He's got a Fonzi vibe in this one.

He's got a Fonzi vibe in this one.

Yes Wolverine was actually in his own orgin movie, go figure.  Not only was he in it but he was down right glorious.  There’s so many scenes where I was left just screaming curse words and thats exactly how it should be.  I think one of my favorite parts is in the very beginning where Logan and Sabretooth are working together in ww2 and what I guess is the civil war or something.  I literally at one point said “is he going to storm Normandy?” and 10 seconds later they were on the beach leaping towards Nazi embankments. If only Nick Fury and his Howlin’ Commandos were stormin the beach too, then we’d have the dream realized.

Some other good stuff were his interactions with the other mutants.  They threw a lot of extra mutant fodder at us in this one but unlike X3 that just seemed to do it to show how many names they could put out there, most of Wolverine Orgins characters were actually important to the plot. They had Blob included who never had anything to do with Weapon X but the way he was placed into the group he seemed like a perfect fit…plus “She’s a Gym-nast” is probably my new favorite saying of all time. Wrath is the only one who wasn’t completely neccessary to the plot and Emma Frost’s inclusion was pretty cool but it completely changes her orgin, not that this is always a bad thing. 

Overall I can’t complain about this movie especially in light of how terrible X3 was. I’m not certain I’d like it as much a second time through just because I was hit pretty hard by the drunk train to the point where if we had watched Bride Wars I’d probably be making a post about how awesome that movie was.  Although I don’t think you could blame me, I mean Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson are severe hotties. Anyways I’m gonna leave you with a song I been listenin’ to incessently for the last few days “Could This Be” by Lovers Electric.

15
Apr
09

Star Trek XI: Shatner phone home.

Alright so I’m not the biggest Star Trek fan ever.  In fact outside of the original series I haven’t watched many of the others at all.  I’ve seen Picard and the dude from Quantum Leap go at it and while admirable there was only ever one captain…and thats Shatner.  He made fighting space monsters cool…although now that I think on that for a moment it’s probably not the toughest job in the world,  regardless he was a beast but oddly enough I never wondered where did this beast originate?  Was he always the tough and tumble elbow to the chest, kick you in the face badass? Now thanks to JJ Abrams and a huge budget these questions will be answered on May 8th.  Let’s have a look at that trailer shall we?

 

First off, holy shit.  Theres so much happening in this trailer that I think I may have passed out from excitement.  It’s like they decided to up the ridiculousness to such an extreme level that it can rival any action movie ever made…period.  We open immediately with the Shatner stand-in getting in a fist fight, probably over some spilled bourbon.  It only shows his injuries but we can assume he probably killed 3 or 4 dudes in the scuffle. Then we get a voice over by someone I can only assume is Chief Nastypants, the angriest old guy in Star Fleet.  He tells us of Shatners father who is probably the strongest man ever to wear a starfleet uniform, and I can only guess at the amount of aliens he punched in the mouth. Then he dares Shatner to join Starfleet.  He dares him. Cue some flying cars and a pan of the Academy.

Our boy Kirk then gets a talkin to by Sylar-Spock that he’s gonna wet himself but you can already tell these guys are gonna be the closest bros.  They basically invisible high-five the first time they’re shown together.  So right after the pee threats Spock apparently throws Kirk out of a space ship in the atmosphere for no other reason than it should be scary.  I can’t really think of any reason they’d need to be able to do this in a space situation but fuck it, we got Spock and Kirk flying through the stratosphere screaming about parachutes.  Shatner hits some kinda satellite thing really hard but hes Shatner so he just walks it off and the scene fades out.  Then we see some sorta black hole pyramid ship thing and talks of a distress signal and we catch our first glimpse of Eric Bana playing the new villain Nero. Hold on you need to see this up close…

Just a bit scruffy.

Just a bit scruffy.

Holy fuck.  He looks pissed.  This is probably the only believable person I could see that would give Shatner some trouble.  Look at how refined his cheekbones are, his teeth are probably made of metal they’re so toned.  He’s glaring so hard at any point I’m expecting him to burst out of the screen and punch me in the throat.  That’s a throat punching glare.  Where was that anger when he was playing the Hulk.  I mean I know Hulk was mostly CGI but man you give a glare like that and ain’t nobody gonna make you angry. 

Alright so Nero’s first line is basically “You’re all fucked.” and I’m quite positive I believe him because he FIRES A LASER INTO A PLANET AND BLOWS IT TO DUST. This is like being introduced to a new James Bond villain in which the guy immediately blows up Parliament and pisses all over the queen.  Queenpisser still doesn’t have shit on Nero though, who lives and breathes badass if all accounts in this trailer are correct.

 We get back to the Enterprise which really hadn’t even been introduced yet but I guess they figure if you don’t know that theres going to be an Enterprise in a Star Trek movie you’re a lost cause.  Some guy says they’re now without a captain which isn’t explained either but then we’re treated with a great moment in Starfleet history.  It appears Kirk simply agrees with the guy and then…Sits down in the captains chair.  Even in his early days Kirk had the biggest balls of anyone.  I don’t know exactly what the usual procedure is on a Starfleet vessel but I’m pretty sure there’s a huge chain of command to keep a leader in place in case of emergency, much like the president.  So basically Kirk’s first foray on a starship he takes the captain’s chair immediately when it became vacant and begins commanding as only he can.  

Well after the epic sitting down and subsequent standing up we see Kirk out on some sorta ice planet getting told something about the light and dark side of the force.  I just ignored this part because it reminded me of some other movie until some sort of escape vessel looking thing crashes into an “evil” lookin’ ship setting off an explosion.  I can only hope during this scene in the movie someone jumps in an escape vessel and propels it like a missle to stop an oncoming Eric Bana angry glare stompship.  Either way we get a sweet fireball and some chick on her knees screaming like she just got out of Shawshank. It’s followed by an “epic” montage of Spock hugging some chick, someone laracrofting the side of a rocket and some chick walking down a street with a sky laser off in the distance.

Then we get one of my favorite scenes of the trailer.  One that’s so awesome it doesn’t even need words.  Kirk just looks over at Spock they both stare intently and then we see Kirks hand move a lever to “full blast”.  I know it’s full blast because every space movie ever has that lever and it’s always the same thing.  You know Kirks doing something incredibly dangerous and possibly stupid but Spock in all his logic can’t find anything wrong with it.  Thus from that single scene you know something ridiculous must be chasing them.  I hope its Eric Bana’s ship shooting meteors.

After that we’re treated with Harold from Harold and Kumar roundhouse kicking some robed guys on top of a plateau. Now I know in the original Star Trek the character of Sulu was just there to capitalize off Karate movies and to feed off asian stereotypes.  I’m pretty sure they’re not going to keep that same direction in this film which may seem odd because as a prequel it will mean that Sulu’s character deteriorated over time.  I can only hope they address this in the film, maybe having Nero hit him with some sort of AZNRAY and he immediately starts using chopsticks and saying thank you very much.

Now we’re back to Kirk, climbing some kind of glacier getting berated by Nero who I think is talking about his pops.  You probably don’t want to bad talk Shatners dad, that guy had to have some really manly sperm, but Kirk takes it pretty well.  Then we get to see Uhura, Scotty and Bones for the first time.  This is my only complaint about the trailer.  How can Bones not be more prominent, he was a huge part of the original show.  He Spock and Kirk formed one of the original power trios, with him as the emotion.  Without him we’re left with Spock as the logic and Kirk as the emotion which could work but doesn’t play off the great relationships of the series, which is something I think you’d want to hit with a movie like this. After searching the ol interwebs I did find this clip which does give me some hope though,  Karl Urban is Bones here:

That right there is a pretty solid Bones.  As long as we get more scenes like this I’ll be perfectly happy.

 

Alright so after that we’re hit with an epic space race with the Enterprise crew screaming about emergencies and evasion and Eric Bana simply screaming “FIRE EVERYTHING!”  Now I’m not sure if he still has the planet destroying super laser but if that’s the case the Enterprise may have bit off more than it can chew.  Regardless Nero appears to get some hits on the starfleet vessel as the ending montage has green rock things slamming into it.  We also get to see Spock get transported and somebody else explode.  Then the title fades in as if you need to be told that yes this is the greatest movie ever made and yes it’s Star Trek.

I don’t know about the rest of you but this trailer is all I needed.  I’ll probably be at this bad boy opening day and I’m not even a trekkie.  Although that may help me enjoy it as being an X-men fan killed Xmen 3 for me but not for others.  Here’s hopin’ they make everyone happy though.  Maybe I’ll post a review after I see it, who knows.

10
Apr
09

Batman 3: Supervillain Round-Up!

batman-symbol2

Alright so everyone saw Nolan’s The Dark Knight. It was epic. It’s pretty obvious by how awesome it was and how well it did, there’s going to be a sequel.  Theres plenty of rumors floating around about who might be the next bad guy or…bad girl, and I figured I would throw my hat in the ring.  These are obviously all conjecture as I have no idea who it’ll be but we can pretend I’m right because I’m on the internet.

 

#1 The Penguin

So very stylish.

So very stylish.

One  the most ridiculous villains in Batman lore, Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot is a diminutive man who uses his size to surprise.  There’s a lot to work with as Penguin is one of Batmans longest running villains and has a huge amount of stories.  He’s usually involved in mob affairs but runs completely valid business ventures to hide his less scrupulous affairs and often escapes from serving any penance for his crimes. His usual schtick involves bringing in random bird elements to crimes and using a parasol filled with various poison gases and a knife.

Who should play him: Philip Seymour Hoffman

Ditto.

Ditto.

This one is rumored to actually be true so I figured I’d start with it.  It’s basically the perfect match, much more so than Danny Devito in Burton’s Batman who may have the stature of the Penguin but lacks the finer qualites.  Penguin isn’t usually protrayed as some disgusting whole fish eating bird monster.  Instead he’s a very smooth calculating intelligent rogue who uses his various connections to extend a web of power that is embedded in Gotham so well it can’t run without him.  In a Nolan film he could be a new mob leader in town replacing any of the various ones that fell out during Dark Knight.  He probably wouldn’t ever “fight” Batman directly, instead staying above the law and Batmans reach but constantly making his influence known.

Runner Ups: Vincent Dinofrio, Seth Rogan

 

#2 The Riddler

Purple gloves are very important

Purple gloves are very important

Edward Nigma is an easily recognized villain in Batman lore, known for his penchant for riddles he’s been a backbone to a lot of great Batman stories.  Recently they’ve had him turn a new leaf and he works as a private detective and has helped Batman on a few cases.  He still holds the need to find answers to everything which is why that change is a good fit. As a  villain Riddler often brough gripes from fans because he intentionally left clues so that he would be caught which almost makes anything he did pointless.  The recent change gave him some of his reasoning back and helped develop his character.  Not to be trifled with Riddler is one of the few people to discover Batmans true identity through his own means.

Who should play him: David Tennant

61774_david-tennant-specs

Alright so this ones kind of cheating.  David Tennant is an amazing actor from Doctor Who and is the perfect fit for Riddlers style.  It’s cheating because Tennant himself said he wants to play Riddler and would jump at the opportunity. Which is a fantastic idea.  There’s been talk that Johnny Depp wants to play the Riddler as well but I think ol Dave would be a much better fit, the guy already looks exactly like him and his mannerisms are very similar.  Depp could pull it off sure, but I’d still give it to Tennant for a better performance all around.  As for how to incluce Riddler in a Nolan style Batman you could introduce him like he is currently as a private detective who spends his hours trying to figure out who Batman is, or just use the set up from Dark Knight and have Riddler be the guy who found out who Bruce was from his finacials at Wayne Enterprises.  It’d be a lot like the Jim Carrey version’s orgin…which I didn’t mind, just without Jim Carrey.

Runner Ups: Johnny Depp, Ed Norton, Jeffrey Donovon

 

#3 Clayface

He's not flipping us off...I don't think.

He's not flipping us off...I don't think.

 Clayface is a great tragic Batman villain, at least in my favorite iteration.  His animated series version is the one that’s best in my mind as that 2 part orgin story was very emotional for a kid’s cartoon.  Basically he’s an overworked actor named Matt Hagen who gets in an accident that ruins his face…so he makes a deal with a mob boss for some facial reconstruction clay, why they’d have this I’m not sure…Anyway, he eventually runs out of work and needs more and more of the clay until he can’t pay for it anymore and owes them a bunch of money.  So they do what the mob always does and…fills an entire car with the stuff while hes inside, smothering him and leaving him for death.  That obviously doesn’t work and he seeks revenge, making him a tragic villain but one who wants to kill.  Something Batman can’t stand for as much as he’d like to.

Who should play him: Nathan Fillion

nathan-fillion_l

Really it doesn’t actually matter who plays him before he changes into a giant clay monster…but I just want to hear Nathan do the voicework for it afterwards.  Surely Clayface would be CGI which probably goes against most of Nolans other Batman characters but I think it’d be worth it.  Fillion could easily bring the acting chops to the pre clayface Matt Hagen and afterwards bring a great voice to the CGI work.  In a Nolan movie Clayface could be brought in a number of ways but I think the underpaid actor is a good route.

Runner Ups: Paul Walker, Josh Hartnett

 

#4 The Mad Hatter

Top of the mornin'

Top of the mornin'

The Mad Hatter has always been one of my favorite Batman villains.  He’s got a great schtick based on Alice in Wonderland of all things and has an impressive list of mental problems.  Jervis Tetch has a very offsetting appearence and even weirder demeanor consisting of things like he won’t eat a piece of food that doesn’t have a hat on it, and states that he is not interested in the sight of his naked teammate because she wasn’t wearing a hat.  This is a great great psychotic villain who could fit a very Joker like nische of the next Batman film.

Who should play him: Johnny Depp

Hey look a hat!

Hey look a hat!

A lot of people are saying they want to see Depp as a primary runner for Riddler.  I on the other hand think he’d be a pretty great Mad Hatter.  Give him a little bit of Sweeney Todd with a little bit of Willy Wonka and throw in some psychotic rambling and you’ve got a perfect cast.  He’s easily got the chops to come off as creepy and funny while keeping audiences guessing.  The only major problem is he doesnt really look like Mad Hatter but in actuality no one does.  For a Nolan style movie they’d have to tone down his huge facial features and tiny body, but he could be accenctuated in other places like the costume, much like how Ledger’s Joker didn’t have white skin but make up instead.

 

#5 Poison Ivy

poisonivy011

Poison Ivy is another one of the easy to recognize Batman villains.  She has various orgins all involving plants somehow being more important to her than humans which usually lead her to do insane things for the environment and Batman showin up to stop her.  She was pretty much butchered in her only live action appearence, not that I blame Uma Thurmond but the script was just terrible.  Nolan I’m sure could come up with a much better orgin and keep her original to the comic…as in ridiculously hot.

Who should play her: Christina Hendricks

christinahendricks

Christina is an actress who’s been in a few Joss Whedon creations but is probably more well known for her role in Mad Men.  She’s pretty much spot on to play Poison Ivy as she can exude…everything…that’s needed for the role.  A Nolan Ivy could be introduced easily as an environmentalist/scientist who’s wronged by everyone in her life but her plants and seeks revenge on Gotham, and its protector.

Runner Ups: Scarlett Johansson, Felecia Day

 

#6 Maxie Zeus

Oh God...yes.

Oh God...yes.

Unlike most on this list so far Maxie Zeus isn’t recognizable at all outside of major Batman fans.  He’s basically a very rich and influencial businessman who out of no where starts to believe that he’s the reincarnation of the God Zeus and decides all of Gotham should be under his thumb.  He leads a criminal empire and begins wearing a toga with delusions of grandeur and in some cases a major messianic complex.  

Who should play him: Rufus Sewell

tn2_rufus_sewell_4

Not only does ol Rufus here look exactly like him but he has the acting chops to pull it off…easily.  In Nolan’s version Maxie could be a normal company CEO who leads his business into criminal undertakings after Wayne Enterprises drops them out of normal business.  This would put him in direct competition with Wayne and set up for a Batman confrontation.

Runner Ups: Really he’s the only one who should play him but Vincent Dinofrio could pull it off as well..


#7 Hush

hush

Hush is a relatively new rogue of Batman’s who started out kind of boring but has grown pretty well in recent events.  His story could be changed to a film relatively easy as a childhood friend of Bruces who has a falling out and returns deducing that he’s Batman and trying to ruin both his lives.

Who should play him? Clive Owen

clive_owen_10

Owen wouldn’t have any trouble with this role at all, in fact it’s a pretty pitch perfect match.  The only problem with Hush would be he’s not well known but really he’s more realistic than a lot of Batman rogues who probably wouldn’t fit in a Nolan film. He’d be fine as a secondary villain much like Two Face, although his motives might be pretty similar.

 

Alright that’s it for now.  I might cast a few more of these sometime in the future, I’ve got a few ideas for Mr. Freeze and Harley Quinn but they’ll have to wait.  Until then enjoy this cover of Metallica.