I found this because of a random advertisement for CBS on some site. It told me the highest searched items on CBS’s old people search engine(R)…and well heres the list:
MLB | Spore | iPhone 3G | Paris Hilton | Antivirus Software | GPS | Recipes | Shwayze | NFL
Alright I get MLB it’s just startin up again, Spore is fun…I guess, Iphones are always popular…same with Paris. People have a fucking pathological need of GPS for some reason so that one fits, especially with our grandpa motif and for grams we got Recipes. Finally we top it off with NFL which is oddly out of season and Antivirus Software which should be obvious if you’ve ever touched an elderly computer. Then we finish it off with Shwayze.
Wait. What the fuck? What the hell is Schwayze? My curiosity was piqued. Could it seriously be Patrick Swayze’s name spelled wrong? Had thousands of old folks been confused, desperately searching for Road House fan fiction only to lose a few keystrokes to arthritis? I had to know. The truth was much more terrifying. The following lights and sounds are not for the squeamish.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-38tShbnTg (there is no way I’m going to embed this.)
For the love of all that is holy don’t actually watch more than a few seconds of that. As I got to their site this is the song that greets you and you’re left awe struck at how something could be so shocking and not be a parody. It’s sort of like seeing a pink moose who does typical moose things and acts as if its just a normal moose living a normal moose life. EXCEPT ITS FUCKING PINK. You don’t throw this out on the internet without some sort of safety warning. It’s almost like a motivational website for ridiculousness. “Hey you know what kids? Dj Skeet Skeet made it big and so can you!”
His name…is DJ Skeet Skeet. He couldn’t think of a single better DJ name than Skeet Skeet? It’s not like someone forced that name upon him…unless…someone did force that name upon him in which case I never want to hear that story. After glancing at the Bio pages for the band I’ve come to the realization that they’re so “this generation” that they don’t care how they sound on their website.
The band description is bloated, it’s as if they wrote it themselves, which by all accounts is entirely possible. Take for instance, Hollywood socialite and Whitestarr frontman Cisco Adler. Adler may rock onstage, but he also made a name for himself as the producer. Just imagine the arrogance of the hands that typed this, and it’s about a guy I’ve never heard of. Later it slides by a blantantly obvious drug use reference to connect with the “hip” young audience; pays homage to an all-day-and-into-the-night party lifestyle colored by the rolling tides of his hometown beaches, and the rolling papers that flavor the proceedings. Oh man rolling papers all day and night? You know these guys are all about the party, Pass the Funyuns bro!
I don’t actually dislike these guys, just their music. They’ve found a perfect niche and are somehow gaining speed with it. That’s great. Different strokes, different folks. What I find so very confusing is that they’re one of CBS’s top search terms. How could something so seemingly random as a melting-pot of laid-back melodies, hip-hop rhythms and acoustic guitars make it onto a very adult minded serious, browser search. Unless of course…that was their plan all along. They must know our elderly want to kick it back with some old school jams and acoustic hip hop melodies that softly lull them off to sleep as they wait for the Valkyries to lift them from the mortal coil so they may join Odin in never ending battle.
Oh and since I had that…song…on here I figured I need to make amends somehow and so I’m going to finish with something else I found today…something amazing:
Bushido Gnome: Man someone should mix 50 cent with coldplay
Bushido Gnome: and make like
Bushido Gnome: cold cent
Bushido Gnome: or something
Bushido Gnome: wait
Bushido Gnome: what
Bushido Gnome: it exists
Bushido Gnome: what the fuck